Week 33

Once again I am home alone while Cashews dad is interstate for work - thankfully this will be the last of his travel until after the baby arrives! Being on my own has really made me feel like this is actually happening.. i am on my own all day so there is plenty of time to focus on my aches and pains which are constantly increasing! 

I had an appointment with the MFM on monday and everything continues to look good. I told him about my anxiety and particularly that I dont feel comfortable stopping my asprin.. the asprin is what keeps the placenta going strong in my condition so stopping it for two weeks before induction was really troubling me.. we have negotiated that i will stop the asprin 7 days before induction now. in addition i will see him every week and we will decide when in the next 4 weeks this little guy will be induced - but no later than 38 weeks!

currently the shew is 2.3kg... im not sure how this compares to normal.. but thats such a big number to me.. Matilda was a poorly 135g when she was born.. my poor little munchkin... i know i shouldnt compare the two of them but when you have nothing else to compare with its hard sometimes..

i hope once again that everything is going well with all the other rainbow babies out there and i will be thinking of all our babies on the 15th Oct and lighting a special candle for them all.

 

Week 32

Once again, in territory where we once thought this would be the longest possible gestation for this pregnancy.. alas here we are and we now are now waiting for week 36 to see how my placenta is holding up.. best case scenario remains induction at 38 weeks.. by my calculations that means this little guy will be joining us around about the 16th of November...

last week we had an appointment with the specialist and i got to take my mother in law to the scan.. of all the weeks the doctor was two hours late and we had to sit in the waiting room for ages.. still.. we have been on the other end of that waiting period, where we have been the cause of the delay.. the doctor is only ever that late if another family is getting bad news.. and that day he happened to have to deal with two different families going through a bad experience. it saddens me to know that there are other families who have to go through bad experiences.. i know it happens but that was like a reminder that we are not alone in this journey and it brings back all the feelings i had last august when we lost Matilda.

on a side note, grandma got to see cashew in 3D and real time.. as a midwife she'd seen a number of babies but i dont think she's ever seen an ultrasound before- in fact she stayed a few extra days just so she could stay behind and come to our appointment!

i have now been on leave for two weeks but having had cashews grandparent visiting for that whole time has meant there has been little time for R&R until now. I also had quiet a bad cold which turned out to be a virus and i was put onto antibiotics and found myself back in the maternal fetal assessment unit in hospital as i couldnt feel much movement during the worst days of the virus. everything is ok on that front and it turned out that cashew was just resting as i was unwell..

week 32 sees cashews dad starting a new job and he has been sent away for two weeks so i am finally on my own with the furbies to rest and recuperate.. i am soo looking forward to sleeping in and being generally lazy!!!

ps - had my first experience with braxton hicks contractions (or so i presume) last week!

Week 29+30

Week 29 was kinda uneventful... with the exception of it being my last week at work.. unfortunately i was struck down with the dreaded man flu for the second time this year and am still not allowed to take much in terms of cold and flu medication to keep it under control.. so i ended up taking a few days off work and missed out on saying bye to alot of people - which i am secretly grateful for! I did have a nice lunch at the pup (no i had no beer) with a few close friends on my last day and was given a lovely bunch of presents from everyone at work.. i actually found it hard to believe that this is me currently sitting here on leave awaiting the arrival of this little guy.. like actually waiting to bring him home..

We had an appointment with the specialist on tuesday and everything is still looking good.. and he still only wants to see me every two weeks - i'd really prefer if he wanted to see me every week because it would mean that i wouldnt have to wait as long between seeing the shew. and i guess i might be freaking out a bit less..

Week 30, I have been struck down hard by the cold this week and consequently the little fella has also been quiet.. this resulted in a trip to the maternal assessment unit at the hospital where we were strapped onto a monitor for the afternoon and got to listen to his heart beat and kicking..

Grandma and grandpa are also visiting us from interstate and they are very excited about the arrival of this little guy.. i think every one is really! accept maybe the furbies who have been taking all the changes in the house over the past week a little harshly!

i went to the GP today to find out if my cold was anything more than a cold and he suspects its a virus but has given me some antibiotics in case it gets worse over the weekend.. im not sure what to do.. do i take them and potentially upset the cashew or do i keep couching and spluttering and upset the cashew that way... hmmm... i am sick of couching and spluttering and add to that, everytime i blow my nose i end up with a blood nose from my blood thinners...

in other news.. i has seen the first signs of stretch marks this week.. i know this is a good thing because it means the little guy is getting bigger! excellent news!

Week 28

I just built (well assembled) your pram sweet shew!

28 weeks... once upon a time 28 weeks was the best case scenario we were given for your gestation, slowly this was pushed out to 32 weeks and now we are told 38 weeks is quiet a possibility! Here were are at 28 weeks and 4 days and while i am trying to maintain some sentiment of composure and contain my excitement, there is a little part of me that is quiet over joyed at the thought of holding you in 10 weeks time!

I have 1 week and 2 days left of work before I am on leave and I was planning on starting the nursery then.. fortunately the room is painted blue and white already so thats one job that wont need doing! Currently all cashews things are in the guest room while we prepared to have the carpets in the nursery cleaned and the curtains installed but since grandma and grandpa have decided to visit us - we have had to speed up the process a little.. so yesterday we had the carpets cleaned and today i assembled the pram which is now sitting in the nursery.. the first thing that is officially in the cashews room! i find it a little hard to believe really! its kinda of surreal as the nursery never got to this stage with little Matilda.

I feel like sorting out the pram is a really big step - even though its not.. i am tempted to start organising the cot.. but im wondering if that would be getting ahead of myself!

meanwhile everything is progressing nicely with the shew.. we have another appointment on Tuesday, and we have our parenting class on saturday and monday..

i hope everyone is well in blog land?

Week 27

Once again, we are in unchartered territory - officially we are in the third trimester. I've never been "this" pregnant before. I am due to leave work in two weeks and I am almost at the point we were told would be our best case scenario for this little guy. And now, we are looking so good the line has been moved out! Its quiet hard to believe still.

27 weeks and all is well with our little boy. Our appointment on monday though very late was very good. Cashew weighs in at 1143g this week and is measuring 4 days ahead of schedule. The OB still thinks 38 weeks is the best goal for this little guy so we are pleased that he is pleased.

Every time I see the OB he reassures me that everything is going well and asks if im feeling relaxed yet. I know he means well but my response is simply that I will not be relaxed until this little guy is born screaming his lungs out and is handed to me for a snuggle.

I have started to tire a lot of late and am really looking forward to having some time off to rest and recover before this little guy comes home. I've started taking iron supplements too now so hopefully I will start to feel better in this regard soon.

I hope everyone is doing well out there in baby loss land, wishing everyone trying for rainbow babies the best of luck and i hope those of you with rainbows are doing well too.

My thoughts on pregnancy

I have toyed with the idea of not posting this... but I want to capture these moments...

So before I start, I thought I might put in a little warning - My thoughts on pregnancy are something i have never really talked about to anyone so if they come out all wrong on here I don't intend for them to upset anyone and by no means to I intend to sound ungrateful for this pregnancy.

Things I like...

• I like the way you kick me.. I like how strong they are.. I like how cheeky they can be..
• I like the warm fuzzy feeling I get after each ultrasound - particularly when you are ahead of growth and doing so well!
• I liked being sick at the start of my pregnancy because I knew it was you doing well in there!
• I like that your mine and i love u so much already... i cant wait to meet you!
• I like watching by belly while you kick and shove me :) its cute!

Things I didn't like so much...

• when people ask if this is my first child.. this is not your fault bubby
• vomiting raisin toast...
• the spotting episode/s!
• not being comfortable telling the world about you - i've wanted to shout it from the rafters since i found out yet even now i can count on my fingers and toes the number of people that actually know!
• clexane needles - but they keep you alive so i am happy to have them..
• ITCHY eyes - which begun at week 32 - it may be a hay fever thing but its apparently linked with water supplies in later pregnancy!
• waiting for you now.. at 33 weeks i always thought you would be out by now but i have to be patient and let you cook a bit longer - i've always been impatient... people say kids make you more patient.. perhaps this waiting is part of the first lesson?

Things I missed...

• smoked salmon
• a nice icey G&T on a hot day

Things I craved...
I dont know that I had strong cravings - like I wasnt going to hurt anyone if i didnt get these things.. but i certainly over indulged in a few things that I wouldnt normally have..

• Barbeque Shapes
• Cheese and vegemite sandwiches
• Passiona
• Fairy bread
• Mangos

Extra special moments so far in this pregnancy....

• finding out about you - even though you were planned you still were a bit of a surprise..
• seeing you go from a yolk sac with a heart beat to a little tadpole to a little cashew to a little boy..
• feeling you tapping on the inside of my belly on saturday morning - week 14 from memory..
• your dad feeling you move for the first time at 23 weeks
• finding out you were a boy at 15 weeks...
• feeling braxton hicks contractions for the first time ever!

I plan to add to this list as i remember things..

Week 25

25 weeks was rather uneventful compared to the previous fortnight..

we had an appointment with the OB and found out cashew was measuring 4 days ahead and weighing in at 902g... nice to hear he is measuring ahead again - still some thing we are not used to.. so much so that we worry when he measures exact to his dates - isn't that sad!

grandma bought us a pram this week.. i picked out the one i wanted.. predominantly so i would be able to jog with cashew once the summer comes and we can also put a toddler seat on it for he is a big boy and we need the room for baby brother or sister later on! 

i am still finding it hard to believe that this is all real and happening... and i guess to some extent that pregnancies will end with a screaming baby in our arms keeping us up in the middle of the night! right now i cant wait for that moment!