Week 34

Week 34 was interesting.. Im not sure how other mother feel about bonding with a unborn baby following the loss of another.. for me, after Matilda died, my ultimate fear for any future pregnancy was that I would not be able to bond with my baby until it was born.. it made me feel quiet upset to think that i would not be able to enjoy this pregnancy.. alas once i found out i was pregnant (and this happened quiet early for us - 3w and 4 d) I was instantly in love with this little guy.. I wanted him more than anything that I've wanted in a long time and that was before he was even considered "viable" (geez I hate that term!)

As the pregnancy went on I continued to bond and love my baby boy every day.. he will never replace his sister but he is helping me realise that life can go on.. everytime we see this little guy on ultrasound he looks like a grumpy little boy but i guess if i was being poked and prodded and disturbed then i would be grumpy too.. until last week... I was being ultrasounded and there he was in 3d on the screen and i was just watching him.. and he smiled.. yup he actually smiled.. like he knew we were watching him.. the sonographer even managed to catch it on his pictures! I think it was this exact moment that i fell completely and truly in love with him - i will get around to putting this picture on here shortly..

I also got given an induction date at my appointment this week - 8th November! that means this little man will be officially joining us on the 9th of November!! thats 2 weeks today!!! And i am starting to think about what it means to give birth to a living baby.. everything from the labour and everything that follows!