Week 17

Its been a while since I've wanted to write anything... theres alot going on right now and I am a bit stressed out to say the least.. i feel like an emotional wreck at times and prefectly fine other times... why? because cashew is almost as old as his big sister and we are getting close to the time where things with Matilda hit the rocks...

this bub is due 2 weeks earlier than his sister was and so their milestone dates fall very close adding to the anguish of going through all the milestones of not having Matilda here.

next week we will be having the anatomy scan... Matilda's anatomy scan was at 19 weeks but that was the first time we were told she was "2 weeks small for her dates" - being first time parents we didnt think anything of it and the sonographer didnt indicate that this was anything to be concerned about... regret number 1 was not doing anything about this - because i carried Matilda for another 2 weeks and may have been able to help her...then at her 21 week scan i was told "your baby is not going to make it"

the circumstances back then say matildas dad in melbourne (away from home) and rushing back on the next available flight...

this time around... circumstances have again seen cashews dad in melbourne (away from home) and the thought of having to go to the next appointment on my own scares the living daylights out of me... my mother will be joining me but somehow its just not the same as having Tim there.

i am trying to be positive... its quiet difficult... i figure if i can get through the next month, cashew will be 21 weeks, and officially been alive longer than his big sister..

we still have not been brave enough to buy this little man anything.. my poor little fella... i wish i had the courage to be happy and excited and coo over adorable little things that i want him to wear but i am still not ready to go there.. i feel that this 21 week hurdle is going to be huge and if we can get past it, i hope i will be able to relax a little bit more...

if anyone is out there, please be sure to send your positive vibes our way, its going to be a long month!

Week 15

I have been feeling movement for the past week and a bit now... and yesterday i had an appointment with the OB.. i hadnt felt you all day and was so worried something was wrong.. the OB was running over an hour late and all i could do was sit in the waiting room and wonder what i would see when they finally got to scanning me.

it amazing how i know but i knew exactly where to look and right away i spotted your little heart beat.. woohoo... stress aleviated.. turns out you are doing fantastic, growing nicely and your placenta which is our biggest concern is looking good.

oh and we got some lovely news - your a BOY!! its weird thinking of a little boy in our lives because we have been prepared for a girl with your sister so its a funny feeling - none the less its very exciting and i cant wait to meet you - when your fully grown and nice and strong!

next appointment is in three weeks i cant wait to see you again. grandma will be coming along for the scan so hope your smiling :)