Its been a while since I've wanted to write anything... theres alot going on right now and I am a bit stressed out to say the least.. i feel like an emotional wreck at times and prefectly fine other times... why? because cashew is almost as old as his big sister and we are getting close to the time where things with Matilda hit the rocks...
this bub is due 2 weeks earlier than his sister was and so their milestone dates fall very close adding to the anguish of going through all the milestones of not having Matilda here.
next week we will be having the anatomy scan... Matilda's anatomy scan was at 19 weeks but that was the first time we were told she was "2 weeks small for her dates" - being first time parents we didnt think anything of it and the sonographer didnt indicate that this was anything to be concerned about... regret number 1 was not doing anything about this - because i carried Matilda for another 2 weeks and may have been able to help her...then at her 21 week scan i was told "your baby is not going to make it"
the circumstances back then say matildas dad in melbourne (away from home) and rushing back on the next available flight...
this time around... circumstances have again seen cashews dad in melbourne (away from home) and the thought of having to go to the next appointment on my own scares the living daylights out of me... my mother will be joining me but somehow its just not the same as having Tim there.
i am trying to be positive... its quiet difficult... i figure if i can get through the next month, cashew will be 21 weeks, and officially been alive longer than his big sister..
we still have not been brave enough to buy this little man anything.. my poor little fella... i wish i had the courage to be happy and excited and coo over adorable little things that i want him to wear but i am still not ready to go there.. i feel that this 21 week hurdle is going to be huge and if we can get past it, i hope i will be able to relax a little bit more...
if anyone is out there, please be sure to send your positive vibes our way, its going to be a long month!
I'll be thinking of you and hope this month passes uneventfully.
ReplyDeleteMaddie x
I didn't buy anything or get anything ready for my new baby either. I waited and waited. I ended up cleaning out and doing up his room 2 days before he was born (well, he did arrive 2.5 weeks early). Don't worry Lana, there's still lots of time. Take care of yourself and your wonderful little man, and you'll know when it will be the right time to get things ready and buying things and spoiling him lots, and then getting very excited about his arrival.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you lots and sending lots and lots of positive vibes your way.
xxx