Week 9

its only the start of week 9 today! im taking you off to the football again tonight.. i hope i dont feel too sickly.. the football is timed perfectly with the time my morning sickness kicks in every evening and could make for a not very fun night!

we are also heading off to rotto this week for your first holiday - you wont be doing much apart from growing i hope..

thats all for now...

Week 8

I spent most of week 8 feeling sick.. like vomiting mixed with sea sickness mixed with a hang over! This is making for a very difficult time at work.. where i am hoping everyone is blissfully unaware of you.. i dont know how they wouldn't know though.. i feel like a heffalump :)

We had our first appointment with C and there you were again, heart beating nice and strong but again a few days smaller than you should be.. 7w 5d instead of 8w 2d.. none the less C was not worried and i have to take some solace in the knowledge that he is the expert. Still i wish you would grow little one!

Week 7

So today is the last day of week 7. I feel tired, bloated, frumpy and queasy. Not all at once though so thats a good thing! This queasyness is certainly interesting... i have never felt anything like it.. it comes and goes as it pleases... i have developed an aversion to meat - red meat in particular... even the thought of looking at it cooked makes me gag!

Cashew - you don't know it but you went to your first football game last weekend - and geez it was a good game... i think having been present at such a magnificent performance you aredestined to be a freo supporter - but lets not tell dad about that yet! I hope my blood pressure wasnt getting too high for you - i was trying really hard to keep calm.. but hey you know how exciting it all was!

we have our first appoint with C on monday at 1.45pm.. i am looking forward to seeing you... i wonder what you look like - do you have a tail. This is one thing that amazes me the fact that all babys have a tail at some point! i'm pretty certain your dad is also looking forward to seeing you little one!

i feel i have "popper out" already... i am surprised no one has said anything.. but then given how our last pregnancy ended, im not surprised... but i do suppose i am a wee bit pleased i dont have to start talking to people about this little one yet.

Week 6

You are your fathers baby... i have been somewhat addicted to BBQ shapes, corn chips, eating vegemite and cheese toasties and today, whilst at the shop i grabbed a sausage roll.. i can not remember the last time i devoured an entire sausage roll.. im blaming you my little cashew!

beating heart

Following a little scare yesterday, T and I ended up in the emergency department at the women's hospital. This was a trip neither of us was comfortable with. The last time we had been there together, our daughter was born, the last time i went there, i picked up my baby's ashes. Alas, we were there.. we had to do what had to be done to make sure all was well with cashew.

They told us that it was ok and that we should come back the next day for an appointment in the early pregnancy clinic where they would do a scan and check everything out.

So for the second day in a row we fronted up to perhaps our most hated place in the world. We went into the emergency clinic and had an ultrasound. They showed me a sack and they said it was very good to see. Then they said they wanted to do an internal scan.. which automatically freaked me out.. 

As soon as the doctor came back and scan began, i saw a little flicker in the sack.. i knew instantly that cashew was blooming.. but i waited to hear those words from the doctor.. a perfect heartbeat.. i believe was the exact term! 

that was the best news we had had in that wretched hospital.. i hope not to go back there until november when i can bring home our beautiful baby...

i am soooooo happy!

5w + 5d

We had our first scan yesterday! Didn't see much apart from the sack.. I was a bit sad not to be able to see a heartbeat, but I was assured that everything looked normal for the gestation.

I knew how much I wanted you before than scan but not seeing your heartbeat made me very upset and made me realise that I want you much more than I had even realised!

We have another scan booked for the 10th April! I hope more than anything to see you then! I love u sweet shew

Week 5

On the 17th of March 2010, I took a pregnancy test. To my surprise, there was one bright pink line and one faint pink line slowly making itself apparent! My heart started racing... i had gone through this routine for the past 6 months.. i thought i would have been prepared to react to this line. It soon occurred to me that I had never actually allowed myself to think beyond these two pink lines! I came into the lounge room and declared to DP that i wouldn't be able to marry him - we were planning to get married in late October. However, given that i was now technically, 3 weeks and 4 days pregnant and due in late November I couldn't see the wedding going ahead (just yet!).

I had a moment of total excitement and then quickly set about finding the documents the materno fetal specialist "Dr. C" had given me after Matilda's birth. I remember he filled me with hope that next time we got pregnant, we should be able to have a positive outcome. I remember it being the one bit on hope that I had around Matilda's birth.

I rang his midwife "K" who is a helpful lady and left her a message of our news and told here that I was of the understanding that Dr C wanted to see us fairly early on in the pregnancy. I was surprised that K rang me back so quickly given that it was after hours. She instructed me to go to the GP and get a referral to Dr C and a bunch of referrals for scans. One scan she told me about was the 6 week scan to check the "viability" of this pregnancy. 

I don't know why she used that word.. i mean i do.. but its such a disheartening word. Hearing that word made my excitement come crashing down. I spent the next week being anxious and made the mistake of reading stuff on the internet which was getting me more worked up..

Anyway I decided, that I have done everything I can to ensure Cashew has the best chance and there really is nothing i can do to make it better at this stage. We have our scan in 5 days. 

I never had this scan (which i have since found out is called a 'dating scan') with Matilda as we didn't know about her until around 5 and a half weeks. I suppose she was automatically considered viable!

Apart from all that, the last week and a half have been interesting. A completely different experience to my first pregnancy. I am super tired, not quiet as hungry but have a taste for savouries rather than sweets and I am feeling so much more of this pregnancy - its like my body is totally tuned into itself and I am aware of every little thing I am experiencing.

Cashew's due date is the 27th November - the day before my birthday - i can not imagine receiving a better gift this year than a happy healthy squealing little baby.