Week 5

On the 17th of March 2010, I took a pregnancy test. To my surprise, there was one bright pink line and one faint pink line slowly making itself apparent! My heart started racing... i had gone through this routine for the past 6 months.. i thought i would have been prepared to react to this line. It soon occurred to me that I had never actually allowed myself to think beyond these two pink lines! I came into the lounge room and declared to DP that i wouldn't be able to marry him - we were planning to get married in late October. However, given that i was now technically, 3 weeks and 4 days pregnant and due in late November I couldn't see the wedding going ahead (just yet!).

I had a moment of total excitement and then quickly set about finding the documents the materno fetal specialist "Dr. C" had given me after Matilda's birth. I remember he filled me with hope that next time we got pregnant, we should be able to have a positive outcome. I remember it being the one bit on hope that I had around Matilda's birth.

I rang his midwife "K" who is a helpful lady and left her a message of our news and told here that I was of the understanding that Dr C wanted to see us fairly early on in the pregnancy. I was surprised that K rang me back so quickly given that it was after hours. She instructed me to go to the GP and get a referral to Dr C and a bunch of referrals for scans. One scan she told me about was the 6 week scan to check the "viability" of this pregnancy. 

I don't know why she used that word.. i mean i do.. but its such a disheartening word. Hearing that word made my excitement come crashing down. I spent the next week being anxious and made the mistake of reading stuff on the internet which was getting me more worked up..

Anyway I decided, that I have done everything I can to ensure Cashew has the best chance and there really is nothing i can do to make it better at this stage. We have our scan in 5 days. 

I never had this scan (which i have since found out is called a 'dating scan') with Matilda as we didn't know about her until around 5 and a half weeks. I suppose she was automatically considered viable!

Apart from all that, the last week and a half have been interesting. A completely different experience to my first pregnancy. I am super tired, not quiet as hungry but have a taste for savouries rather than sweets and I am feeling so much more of this pregnancy - its like my body is totally tuned into itself and I am aware of every little thing I am experiencing.

Cashew's due date is the 27th November - the day before my birthday - i can not imagine receiving a better gift this year than a happy healthy squealing little baby.